“Dear Life. Please accept this letter as formal notification that I am pleased to be considered let alone accepted into your humble workspace. However, I would like to withdraw my application. I sincerely appreciate you giving me the opportunity to gain the experience that I have from the short period that I’ve spent with you and your company.”
It’s been two weeks since I submitted the letter, unfortunately I’m still waiting for a response. I suppose Life, Death and their assembly alike, never perceived the urgency of my dilemma.
Maybe I’m not suicide material. I assume there are more convincing applications. I suppose I lack initiative and experience. Maybe, there’s a backlog of applications. Maybe that’s why I’m still alive.
I hope you read through the comical facade above and saw through its attempt of misdirect. If not, that’s okay…just appreciate the literature.
I’ve tried to interpret the authenticity of my happiness yet find myself on a retorted seesaw — “is my happiness an entailment of no longer feeling suicidal or that I feel I’m not worth suicide.”
We’ve collectively conjured up this perception that there’s some unwritten criteria that needs to be replicated in order for you to be systematized as suicidal. And I excavated this cavern of potentially unwanted revelations, a few years back but at such recklessness that I created a cacophony of sediment that plagued my vision and ability of self-expression. But as I write these words, the sediment has settled, and the debris seemingly desiccated.
Please give me a moment to offer clarity. I don’t want to kill myself when life itself is a tragedy.
I just want to make a note of interest to anyone out there suffering…
You are not alone.
I know first hand what it’s like to lay in your room with the pills clutched to your chest feeling like you have nothing to lose and you holding your breath while the tears light a fuse in your heart and the bruises have left their emotional mark and while the tears gush you let out a sigh while the bottle of water lessens and your conscious dampens you’re in and out of it like a cheap tampon but there’s still one thing that comes to your mind before you go on…
Without an example you already know what I’m talking about… You see the beauty in being alive is we constantly strive for that moment of joy,happiness or pride, we look for an escape and create one when there are none, so look for your escape and something you’re willing to die for, then spend a lifetime living in pursuit of it.
See suicide is a permanent solution and there’s no going back and I know you want to kill the part of you inside that hurts and convinces you that you should not be alive but when you look at the people that have survived not only once or twice but 3,4,5 times they all have one thing in common… We still feel the pain everyday and we struggle to make it go away but life is worth more than your brain tells you so pay yourself tribute and put to rest the thoughts of ropes,pills and blades.
This is not a poem but message should you choose to listen. We can’t kill the part of our mind that wants to die but you can write that book and take that trip, write that poem and sing that song, learn that instrument and start that business, paint that picture and tell her/him you love them.
Yeh zindagi bahut lambi hai… aur hamare pass waqt bahut kam hai.
