“It was my fault
It had to have been
You slut
You whore
You bitch
All narratives that I’ve tucked away into my emotional vault
Because if it were not for me and the vagina that stands between my integrity and being seen then I would not be an object falsified into what you want me to be
It must have been me!!!
Silent screams emanating from the pit within
But you can’t hear me!!!
Do you know how it feels!?
Trust forsaken with pseudo smiles in empty filtered selfies
My commiseration to whom you thought I ought to be!
I never asked for him to claim my sanctity
Not in a literal sense because value is not based on my virginity or sexuality
But the value I now put on myself through subtle promiscuity
This is the part that stands bold with obscurity
Because how do I explain my libidinous persona as a trauma response to the very men that want it
The constant thought they don’t see me for more than my body
This is what he gave to me
His handprints burned and engraved on my skin
I remember everywhere he touched and it makes me sick
I still can’t talk because I know no one will believe it
I want love but I don’t know how to receive it
Because I’m still afraid!!!
These are not the type of thoughts you simply get over
As I get older they fester and seethe
But I’m no longer the girl that cries in confusion…
I’m the woman that bears the burden of salicious absolution”
“I said no but it wasn’t enough for her…
I was a child how could a game keep me in fear?
My clothes taken off while her cold lips left marks on what I now consider my erogenous zones
I felt her breasts in my juvenile hand before I was old enough to understand
She said we were playing house and this is what mommys and daddys do
She was dripping wet asking me to play with her clit as if I knew
Her hand cupped around my penis
I was too young to be erected
But I knew I did not like it
Fast forward into adolescence
Flowers are not my favorite fragrance
I wanted to make her pay for this so I fucked her to give myself a sense of accomplishment
This bitch stole my youth so it’s only fitting she takes me virginity too
I brushed through porn so I knew when I was done I’d make her feel forlorn
But all it did was turn me into a man I did not want to become
Love feels obsolete…
But who do I turn to because as a man I can’t show I am weak
I, a man, am also a victim
Of a malicious woman whom would never understand it
I want to be in control
Because in that moment that’s a privilege I was never granted
My relationships can never stay
They all walk away because at the end of the day who wants to stay with the man that’s vindictive and vain?
I, a man, am a victim too”
This is not a poem but a statement
Hegemony has left us divided
Too focused on the he said and she said to pay attention to the irony
None of us know whom we can trust
Revenge porn have us all caged in moments of lust
They could force themselves onto us and just because we cum there’s no evidence of rape against us
So I implore you to question
Is this a one sided fight?
I hope these words are so dense you form knots in your chest
I want your stomach acid to bubble and boil till you gargle my words in detest
The putrid persona to leave a mark until it’s abscessed
Feel the pain of millions and the disregard from our enforcements
We’re ranked 3rd in the world by consensus
But see no changes it’s senseless
She took the precautions but was still defenseless
He trusted and now remains faceless
Reality is now a constant evasion
Opportunities to be open are met with hesitation
Balancing trust and caution like some unsolvable infinite equation
Met with abrasive persuasion
Which if remains constant…
We shall be met with depressive extermination with souls blazing, burning for occasions with no regard, they’ll determine your expiration…
